Death of a spouse, how to continue living ?
Death of a spouse, how to continue to live? And that I will not leave you until death…. Standing before the altar in a white dress or suit, almost no one really thinks about the meaning of the last part of the marriage vows. Death seems to be something distant, incomprehensible, something that cannot be defined or touched, and so we push thoughts of it as far away as possible, almost not accepting its existence. We look only to that immediate future, which appears like a dream, is luminous and has no cares or worries. These are images of a future where we are the same, with no wrinkles, no problems, surrounded by our children – beautiful and healthy like us. The sun shines and summer lasts forever.
Death, however, awaits us all no matter how hard we try not to think about it.
Every person will die someday. This is as true as the fact that a new man will be born. Because from the moment we are born we are doomed to die. The only reward is supposed to be life for Us and all the feelings and emotions that only a human being is capable of. Love. Hatred. Compassion. Cruelty. Suffering. Joy. Kindness. Regardless of the mixed proportions of these elements, man is always able to achieve happiness when he is alive.
Who wonders about dying when life opens so many doors and possibilities before us. We can become what we want, direct our lives at will. But we can never plan our own death. This one thing remains as much of a mystery to man as his coming into the world. He can only wait.
Waiting for death, however, is not waiting in the waiting room at the dentist. We still want to do something, some important things. We still want to do something, to talk to our son about his future. There is still plenty of time, after all. We have a chance to change something. Still.
Sometimes in this waiting room we start to regret some things. Bad things. Things we have done. The wrongs done to loved ones. Every argument with a husband or wife. The lack of contact with our own child. Running away from problems when they needed to be solved. Together. There are so many things to regret in this waiting room.
At other times we will remember the good times. When there was enough money to go on vacation. When our daughter won the Olympics at school. When our only son was born. When the marriage did not resemble a room closed from the outside, without windows. It is worth remembering the moments when things were good, when fate was fair not cruel. It is worth remembering those moments before the altar and the words of the vows: “And that I will not leave you until death.” If you have kept them, it is one of the greatest proofs of love you can give to another person. The gift of one’s own life given to someone else.
If you have still lived this life together shoulder to shoulder, toiling together every day and always finding a smile and a kind word for each other, it means that life really was a reward and death, whatever it may be, will not be able to erase that.
